Chapter Seven: A Green Thursday (Five points if you get the message right)
OCTOBER 1ST, 2009 1:50 P.M. BIOLOGY CLASSROOM
Sonic was hiding under the teacher's desk in fear. Joey was tied to the ceiling fan, which was spinning at abnormal speeds. Shadow was lying in the corner, knocked out with a bowling ball on his head. Rouge was stuck inside a desk as she tried to puff out the flames that were inching ever closer to her face. Amy was still trying to pull her hammer out of the broken linoleum floor. Knuckles was glued to the ceiling, not by glue, but by a plaster made of bubble gum and citric acid. And Nick was stuck inside an abnormally large test tube that was slowly being closed off from his airway support system…wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. The REAL story started not now, but earlier…
A LONG TIME AGO, IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY…
Whoops, too far.
IN THE YEAR 2012…
Wait, that's too far ahead. We're still in 2009!
INSIDE FRANCHESCA'S APARTMENT BUILDING…
I…think it starts here. Lemme peek inside the win-OH MY GOD! NO WRONG PLACE!
MEANWHILE AT THE HALL OF JUSTICE…
All the readers scream.
"Get to the point!" each reader screams. A certain man, one only known in the fanfiction community as Yorobot, threw a large bowling ball at INFERNOX, who prompty dodged it.
OKAY, OKAY! Here, I think I got it…
"NAHNAHNAHNAHNAHNAHNAHNAH NAHNAHNAHNAHNAHNAHNAHNAH BATMAN!" a voice screamed. Everyone got ready to assault INFERNOX again.
WAIT THIS IS IT! See, it's Sean! INFERNOX points to Sean in his room, who was listening to the old Batman theme as he worked on his Castlevania FanFiction.
"Alright, my Castlevania fanfic is up and running! I'll be sure to counter Nick and his craziness now!" Sean shouted to no one in particular. While he was doing this, the Wii system next to his television turned on quietly, and two gnarled hands came out of the disc slot system. One spell-check of his fanfiction later, Sean turned around to watch TV when the hands went over the screen.
OCTOBER 1ST, 2009 6:50 A.M.
At this point in time, some of the people were waking up for another day at school. Nick was already eating 4 Eggo waffles and some eggs while he read the comics for the day. Knuckles was half-asleep and was trying to make coffee…and he actually did it. When Knuckles realized he did something right, though, the coffee exploded in his face. Rouge was still in a nightgown, eating some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Amy was still sleeping (and by sleeping, we mean Sonic knocked her out before going to bed so he wouldn't have to worry about her last night.) Sonic and Tails came downstairs, both of them tired.
"(yawn)…well, we have our first Biology quiz today…" Sonic remembered. Tails turned to Sonic.
"What's Biology?" Tails asked.
"Oh…some class with chemicals and sciency stuff…you know, like your workshop back home…" Sonic drawled. Before Sonic walked into view of everyone else, Sonic was pulled behind by Tails.
"What is it, buddy?" Sonic wondered.
"Sciency stuff! If you could sneak me into your school today, maybe I can help make a mixture of some sort to open a rift gate and send us home!" Tails speculated.
"Well…it'll be difficult. I mean, in this world, you can't fly," Sonic pointed out.
"Well, true. But with that kid called Butters roaming around, I could sneak into the Biology Class and make the mixture myself. As long as I say I'm going to hurt Butters…" Tails devised. Sonic was surprised. INFERNOX realized that rhymed.
"Good idea, Tails!" Sonic congratulated. Tails got a smiley face on.
"Thanks, Sonic! Here, let's get some breakfast!" Tails pointed out. Whenever Sonic and Tails walked into the room, they could see something was wrong.
"Hey, where's Shadow?" Sonic asked.
Meanwhile, in the basement, Shadow was playing Kingdom Hearts II. Several cans of Red Bull, Gatorade, Powerade, and Hot Taco Sauce littered the floor. Shadow's eyes were bloodshot, and he was shuddering quite a bit.
"M-m-m-m-must….b-b-b-b-beat…th-th-the H-H-H-Hydra…" Shadow jittered, while trying to kill the Hydra in Olympus Coliseum. Before he could even get a hit on the Hydra, the PS2 turned off. Shadow blankly stared, about to go into a rampage, when the same two hands from before came out of Nick's Wii system and grabbed Shadow.
"Eh, he must have already left. You know how he likes to brag to be the first in anything and at anything," Sonic hypothesized.
"Yeah. Come on, help yourself, there's a lot of food that I haven't found yet," Nick offered. Sonic acknowledged the niceness of Nick, but couldn't help wondering if a hamster wheel was what kept him going.
8:55 A.M. HOMEROOM
Sonic and everyone else mentioned last time Homeroom was introduced was sitting around, either talking to friends or watching television as they waited for the announcements to start. Sonic hid his face behind a book (that read "How To Spot A Suspicious-Looking Character In A High School" on the cover) and began whispering into an earphone.
"Hey, Tails, are you at the merging point?" Sonic asked. On the other line, Tails (for some reason dressing like Solid Snake) began to reply.
"Yeah. I've got the box, some tools, and a baloney sandwich in case I get hungry," Tails whispered back.
"Okay, then. Now, make sure to not let the Zero Point escape your sight. Follow Zero Point until you have located Destination Alpha-Delta Ninety-Niner. Whence there, commence Operation: CHAOS and use the Test Subjects inside Destination Alpha-Delta Ninety-Niner under the influence of Zero Point," Sonic advised.
"What the hell did you just say?" Tails replied.
"Look, just because you're Solid Snake doesn't mean you can cuss," Sonic warned.
"But how do you know I'm dressed up as Solid Snake?" Tails asked.
"We have videophones. Duh," Sonic informed.
"But you have an earphone connection!" Tails reminded Sonic. A long and awkward silence was played out.
"Signing off. Good luck, Agent T," Sonic ended.
"Oh, come on, a Phineas & Ferb reference? Really?" Tails wondered before putting away his videophone. Tails then got underneath a cardboard box with two eye holes in it. There was fake blood drawn all over it, as to fit the revamped school's décor, in commemoration for Halloween, even though it was 30 days away. Tails silently jumped to the floor, amidst many students, WHO SOMEHOW DIDN'T NOTICE THAT. Tails then kept quiet as he hid inside the box, keeping an eye out for Matt as he did so.
Back in homeroom, Sonic put down the book he was hiding behind, along with hiding his earphone into his pants pocket. Whenever he looked up, however, he ended up seeing Knuckles with his head stuck in the television, Grant with a baseball bat, Nick with a bowling ball (which was oddly the same one mentioned before), and Stephon wearing a spiked biker's helmet. Sonic just stared confused, until he continued to hide behind his book.
"Don't wanna know…don't wanna know…" Sonic chanted in his head.
Meanwhile, the executives from BioWare have successfully fought through the Bunnie-Rabott defense. Now, they had more defenses to go…
"You know what? We have spy gear on. Let's just scale the side of the building," one of the executives mentioned.
"GENIUS!" the boss yelled. The three people all ran to the side of the balcony I mentioned last chapter, and they got out plunger gloves and ropes. They began climbing up the side of the building.
"OH NO!" one of the security guards screamed. "THEY'VE FOUND THE LOOPHOLE!"
"WHAT! WE MUST RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES BABBLING INSANELY!" the second security guard announced. Then both security guards began flailing around as if they were having a seizure.
11:30 A.M. LUNCH
Sonic was hiding behind his paper bag lunch (which was oddly marked "How To Spot A Suspicious Character During Lunch Hours") . Sonic whispered into his earphone.
"Okay, Tails? Have you located Butters yet?" Sonic whispered. On the other end, Tails was still hiding under his box, crawling slowly as to not arouse suspicion. In front of Tails was Butters, who STILL HADN'T NOTICED THE GIANT BOX YET.
"Yeah, I've located him. Apparently he doesn't have the same Biology period as you guys, but I'm giving chase. So far, I've managed to stray under the gun," Tails explained.
"Okay, then," Sonic answered, pulling out a large blueprint from his lunch bag. Of course, NO ONE NOTICED. "According to these blueprints, you should be approaching a door on your left. Find a way to open it using a laser pointer, a jackknife, 5 toy trucks, and a bottle of soda."
"Sonic, I'm already there," Tails muttered, showing that not only had he opened a door not meant to be accessed by students while being watched by a lot of students, but he had also managed to get inside as well.
"Oh, well, okay then," Sonic answered, putting away the blueprint and ruffling around inside the paper bag for another object. "Now, according to my…"
Sonic pulled out a magic 8 ball.
"…awesome senses of intelligence, I shall predict what you should do next," Sonic answered.
"Okay, I'm waiting," Tails acknowledged. Sonic shook the magic 8 ball and began repeating what was read on it.
"Uh…'follow your heart and listen to your soul, make the right turn to answer the poll,'" Sonic blindly copied. Tails stared in confusion, and then he began moving right, heading to an open door leading to the Biology classroom.
"Now what?" Tails asked.
"Erm…" Sonic shook the magic 8 ball. "'Power is greater than evil or good, but one who blindly controls it shall fail, understood?' Hm…TAILS STOP IN YOUR TRACKS! YOU'RE ABOUT TO HIT A "FAIL" SIGN!"
Tails instinctively stopped and a "Fail" sign popped up in front of Tails. The sign seemed to look around, before it sunk back into the ground. Tails then continued on, entering the classroom.
"Now what?" Tails asked.
"Um…'Chaos can be born, but it can also be crushed by the one who has power left.' Turn left, Tails!" Sonic shouted. Tails turned left and saw the chemicals cabinet and test tubes.
"Okay, I'm right in front of the cabinet. Now what?" Tails wondered. Sonic shook the 8 ball and read the new message he saw.
"'In order to open the cabinet, all you need to do is hold up the screwdriver and wait. When inside, locate the citric acid and bubble gum compounds and combine in the test tube to create a substance that can abnormally make something grow if you scream the word…Butters.' Who put this in an 8 ball…?" Sonic wondered.
"You're giving me information from an 8 ball!" Tails screamed.
"Look, just put up the screwdriver and point it at the lock and wait," Sonic informed. Tails grunted and held up the screwdriver. AS SOON AS HE DID, THE SHOOP DA WHOOP THAT BEGAN CIRCLING THE GLOBE LAST CHAPTER CAME DOWN AND BROKE OPEN THE LOCK. Tails was staring in awe.
"Did it work?" Sonic wondered.
"…yeah…" Tails answered. Butter looked over and saw the Shoop Da Whoop because no one else noticed.
"Guys, did anyone else see the bright light?" Matt asked. The teacher and everyone else in the classroom ignored him, trying not to be the first to scream. Tails opened the cabinet, and grabbed the bubble gum and citric acid complexes.
"Okay, so how do I mix them together?" Tails asked. Sonic shook the 8 ball.
"'Ask again later,'" Sonic replied.
"What! Sonic I need some advice now! I don't know what's what in this world! I mean, I seriously don't know what's alive, what's dead, what's inanimate, and what's conjured up by Nick!" Tails replied. Sonic shook the 8 ball again.
"'Ask again later,'" Sonic replied.
"SONIC!" Tails screamed. The bell then rang, and everyone in the lunchroom began leaving.
"Okay, I've gotta go. See you soon, Agent T!" Sonic babbled. It was no wonder he ran into the aforementioned "Fail" sign as soon as he stood up.
"Stupid Disney shows…" Tails muttered. Tails then used the complexes and mixed them together by beating them down with the hammer in his toolcase. Almost at once, the substance morphed into a white substance.
"Guys, does anyone hear rattling?" Matt asked.
"Shut up…" Dylan shouted.
"Seriously I hear rattling…" Matt wondered.
"Shut up!" Grant announced.
"Guys, PLEASE notice me!" Matt whined. The teacher then turned around, angry.
"SHUT UP, BUTTERS!" the teacher screamed. At that moment, the substance burst into a giant blob that looked like a volcano. This threw the box off of Tails, which made Tails get an "!" above his head as he fled into the supply room.
"WHAT IS THAT!" everyone screamed.
"BUTTERS, WHAT DID YOU DO!" the teacher screamed. This made the volcano substance grow bigger.
"You know what? Screw it. I'm out," Matt announced, leaving the room. Dylan was impressed, and he clapped.
"Don't clap for Butters!" the teacher screamed, causing the volcano to grow bigger. Now the volcano substance was nearly touching the ceiling.
1: 45 P.M. BIOLOGY CLASS
Nick and friends walked into the Biology room and noticed the heaping mass of goo. For some reason, it was meat-hungry and had already eaten the students and teacher. Screams could be heard inside the blob as people were wondering what was going on.
"HOLY CRAP! Don't worry; here I come to save the day!" Nick shouted. Nick grabbed a test tube and threw it at the volcano. It was of no surprise when it grew to the same size as the volcano. It WAS a surprise, however, whenever the test tube was shot over, entrapping Nick inside. A small part of the volcano was still attached to it, and it was pulsating slowly, as if trying to cover up the hole that was still giving Nick air.
"Well, that could've gone better," Nick muttered. Amy then got out her hammer.
"Don't worry! This one's mine. I need to release my pent-up angst!" Amy shouted. Joey just chuckled.
"I bet I could "release" something else of yours, too," Joey provoked. Amy smacked Joey into the ground so hard, her hammer got stuck in the floor.
"Oh, crap. Give me a minute," Amy asked. She began tugging on the hammer, trying to pull it up, with no avail. Shadow and Rouge sighed, while Sonic and Knuckles began thinking. (That explained the car motor attempting to turn on and the smoke coming out of Knuckles's head.)
"Hey, I got it!" Sonic realized. "Why don't we smack it with a bowling ball!"
"PERFECT!" Knuckles shouted. Knuckles then grabbed a bowling ball from before and launched it at the volcano. The bowling ball shot back out and smacked into Shadow, knocking him out instantly. Rouge gasped.
"OH, NO!" Rouge shouted.
"OH, NO!" Knuckles shouted.
"Oh…no…" Sonic tried to sound sad.
"Oh, no!" Nick shouted from inside the test tube. Everyone waited, but nothing happened next.
"Where's the Kool-Aid man?" Nick asked. Stephon then opened the door, wearing a biker's helmet and holding an Uzi. Behind him was a shattered Kool-Aid Man.
"Oh, yeah…" Stephon demonically announced, before leaving the classroom. Nick and the gang gaped. Sonic shook the magic 8 ball again.
"What do I do, magic 8 ball?" Sonic screamed. The magic 8 ball was shook.
"'Hide like a sissy girl,'" Sonic read. "Well, nice knowing you!" Sonic announced, before jumping behind the teacher's desk. Rouge then did a facepalm.
"I've got another idea!" Knuckles realized. A third scientist in Canada exploded. "I'll PAWUN IT WITH MY PAUNCH ATTACK!"
Knuckles then attempted to punch the volcano. Instead of having the desired effect (which would be…?), Knuckles was instead eaten by the volcano. Of course, because of the punch, the volcano flipped and latched itself onto the ceiling, and Knuckles's head was popping out of the volcano's top.
"Well, this is embarrassing…" Knuckles seethed. Meanwhile, the blob from before was almost successful in covering the entire air hole Nick had.
"WAIT! I choose you, Dr. Octagonapus!" Nick screamed as he threw the pie. Of course, Dr. Octagonapus came out, but before he could announce his name, he smacked facefirst into the test tube, and knocked himself out.
"Aw, crap…the one day I forget to pack Revives…" Nick mourned. Rouge then looked up.
"Don't worry, Knuckles. I'll get you down!" Rouge shouted. Rouge grabbed a baseball bat…which was in a Biology classroom…and began smacking the volcano like a piñata. FOR SOME ODD REASON, the volcano spat out a glue substance that wasn't the original volcano, and it tied Rouge to the desk, with her legs stuck inside where you would put the Biology book. Then, FOR ANOTHER UNEXPLANABLE REASON, the volcano shot flames (don't look at me like that, it's plaster) and then the flames began slowly inching to Rouge's terrified face…okay, I think we're done. CLIFFHANG-! INFERNOX is then pelted with bowling balls by Yorobot again.
OKAY, FINE! Here's the aftermath. Tails then bursts in from the door with dual machine guns. Why he found machine guns in a school closet, no one without conspiracy theories (Nick looked down in disgrace, mumbling about the Chinese again) could comprehend this. Tails shot the volcano, WHICH SOMEHOW KILLED IT. The volcano spat out everyone it ate, and, all except for Knuckles (who was prone to being knocked on the head) were K.O.'d. The bell luckily rang then, and everyone escaped to live another day. Yorobot stared.
"…THIS IS INSANITY! THIS IS A BAD ENDING! THIS IS MADNESS!" Yorobot shouted.
"Well, at least THIS ISN'T SPARTA!" INFERNOX retaliated. Yorobot left, confused and wondering who else reviews these things.
New Characters Introduced
- This is the first chapter in which INFERNOX acts as an actual character (outside of Nick) to progress the storyline.
- The term "Green Thursday" is a reference to a local myth in the high schools where if you wear green on any Thursday that isn't St. Patrick's Day, you are considering a turned-on female homosexual. Although the implication is dirty, it slightly wraps around the plotline, with "Green" referencing Biology class and biology being related to the Earth (hence "green"), while "Thursday" simply references the day this happens is on a Thursday.