Chapter Thirteen: Why Did I Make This Episode?
THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACES AFTER INFERNOX RETURNED FROM A LAWSUIT SAYING I CAN'T START THE SHOW WITH THIS ANYMORE...BUT I WON SO I STILL WILL USE THIS OPENING
Nick was brushing his teeth in the bathroom closest to his room as he waiting, almost bored, for the sandglass timer to fall empty so he could spit and rinse. While brushing his teeth, Sonic walked in, angry.
"Nick, I was rifling through your room, and-!" Sonic began. Nick then spat out his toothpaste...at the same exactl time the sandglass timer ran out of sand.
"WHAT! That is MY room! I don't rifle through YOUR stuff!" Nick accused.
"Whatever! What the hell is this!" Sonic shouted, holding up a Sonic plushie. Nick realized what is was, then laughed.
"Oh, that old thing? Whenever I was 5, I had a Sonic and a Knuckles plushie I used to play with all the time!" Nick laughed. Going into a flashback, the flashback showed Nick playing with a Sonic and Knuckles plushie. Nick had big eyes and one big buck tooth, as stereotypical five-year-olds in flashbacks look.
"I bet video games are real!" the young Nick shouted, before going back to present day.
"Good times..." Nick sighed. Sonic just snapped his fingers in front of Nick.
"FOCUS, MAN! What if Amy found this thing?" Sonic whispered, as sometimes the mere mention of Amy summoned what Sonic has dubbed the "Pink Devil."
"Well, she'd probably have no fun with it. I mean, it's not like it has a-!" Nick began, before Sonic covered Nick's mouth with his hand.
"SHHHH! I think someone's coming!" Sonic whimpered, jumping into the bathtub with the Sonic plushie and hiding behind the curtains. Amy then walked in, yawning.
"Hey, Nick? You almost finished? I have to use the bathroom," Amy asked. Nick just rinsed his toothbrush and walked out, nodding his head. Amy then went over to the toilet (which is actually right next to the bathtub XD) and she sat down. Due to censors, we can only see Amy's top half of her body. Sonic, being an oblivious idiot, opened the curtains.
"Okay, as I was saying-!" Sonic began, before realizing who was there with him. Many seconds of awkward silence followed, until Amy seductively lowered her eyes.
"Well, THIS is a suprise..." Amy giggled. Sonic's eyes widened.
Downstairs, Nick and the gang were eating their respective breakfasts whenever much loud screaming from Sonic was heard.
"So, how did everyone sleep?" Nick asked, attempting to strike up a conversation. ("HELP ME!" Sonic screamed.)
"Eh. Pretty good," Rouge sighed, still upset over yesterday. ("SOMEONE HELP ME!" Sonic again screamed.)
"Do you need anything, Rouge?" Knuckles asked, his random luck streak continuing for some odd reason. ("SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!" Sonic yelled.)
"Nah, I'm fine. Thanks for caring, though, Knux," Rouge complimented, ruffling Knuckles's hair as she did so. ("DEAR GOD HELP!" Sonic pleaded.)
Shadow just grumbled. Rouge turned to him angrily. "What's the matter, Shadow?" Rouge asked, annoyed. ("SWEET CHRIST SOMEONE-wait, how are you that flexible?" Sonic asked.)
"Oh, it's NOTHING. Just that I saved your life from zombie fangirls is all..." Shadow grumbled, sipping some coffee as he did so. ("THIS ISN'T FUNNY, GUYS!" Sonic screamed.)
"Yeah, after I saved YOU from them in the first place!" Rouge shouted back. Shadow turned to her angry. ("SERIOUSLY, I'M SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY FREAKING LUNGS! WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR ME!" Sonic shouted.)
"Well, excuse me for being knocked out with a frying pan and violated several times before you arrived!" Shadow retorted. ("WHY WON'T YOU HELP MEEEEE!" Sonic cried.)
"I think you could sue for that," Tails pointed out, although this went on deaf ears, as the only person to catch Tails saying this was a deaf guy. But that's not important. ("I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO AGGRAVATE YOU! PLEASE HELP ME OUT!" Sonic whined. Sonic then realized that no one could hear his screams.)
"You know what, Shadow...you're just ignorant!" Rouge screamed, standing up as she did so.
"AND YOU'RE A QUEER!" Shadow yelled back.
"SPONGEBOB!" Nick shouted randomly, effectively breaking the anger for a split second as every looked at him. "What? I thought we were screaming out random words for the fun of it." Nick then tried to drink some milk to down the awkward silence, but he realized he was out of milk. Rouge and Shadow then continued arguing.
"YOU KNOW WHAT, SHADOW! YOU'RE JUST A EGOTISTICAL LITTLE HEDGEHOG WHO NEEDS TO KNOW HIS PLACE!" Rouge cried.
"AND YOU NEED TO GET OVER YOUR JEWEL FETISH, YOU SICKENING EXCUSE FOR A BAT!" Shadow insulted. Rouge just gasped, her heart torn in two. Knuckles then did something epic by throwing a rubber toy at Shadow's head. Now, before you say "Oh, its just a rubber toy," put into consideration that this was a SOLID rubber toy measuring six inches thick and three-and-a-half inches wide. Add on the fact that it was flexible like a whip...and Shadow was on the ground, groping his head in pain.
"Owwww! That freaking hurt!" Shadow jeered. Knuckles just stood up and faced Shadow.
"Don't you talk to Rouge like that! She's more of a woman that you'll ever be!" Knuckles insulted. Shadow sat there speechless, half because he just got owned by Knuckles less than a day since last time, AND because Knuckles's own was so gender-confused even a bisexual couldn't identify which gender it was intended for. Either way, Rouge came up and hugged Knuckles.
"Thanks, Knuckles!" Rouge beamed, and just to make Shadow angrier, she planted a kiss on Knuckles's cheek. Knuckles was surprised, and the entire room fell silent.
"Didn't see that one coming," Tails remarking, taking another spoonful of Frosted Mini-Wheats as he did so. Shadow just stood up, angry. (Sonic, since no one could hear him, whispered "Shadow sucks.")
"WHAT THE **** DID YOU SAY, SONIC!" Shadow screamed. Running upstairs, Sonic had no chance as multiple gunshots, a bazooka blast, some loud explosions, and a toilet being flushed were all heard. The sad thing was, it was actually possible to connect all four. Shadow walked downstairs, with a frightened Amy clinging to Shadow.
"Amy's my girlfriend now. Let's see how you like that," Shadow jeered. Rouge just stuck her tongue out at Shadow.
"Help me..." Amy emotionlessly (is that a word?) pleaded.
"Shut up," Shadow growled.
"Hey, not to be rude or anything, but I'm out of milk over here," Nick pointed out, tapping his spoon against the glass. "Yep, bone dry..."
Later on, the entire gang (minus Tails since he was too young) was sitting in homeroom. So far, Shadow and Rouge's anger was continuing to flare up. Knuckles kept getting sexy kisses from Rouge, which kept him stunned for quite a long time to do anything stupid. Amy was terrified of Shadow, since he did so many things to Sonic right in front of her she was scarred even worse than (insert obscure reference here.) Of course, this didn't faze either competitor, as they continued to break the other one apart mutually. Nick had gotten bored of this since he wasn't interested in Shamie couplings and that he thought Shade the Echinda belonged with Knuckles, so he had taken a look at the bulletin board. On the front of the bulletin board in a giant yellow poster was an advertisement for the school play, that was being held today at the end of this episode with absolutely no auditions needed. And apaprently there was one spot left. And no one had any other acts to try out. And the tickets were all already sold out, even though it was announced today. Go figure. Nick took the final poster slip and walked over to Matt and Stephon, who were watching Shadow and Rouge's war and taking bets.
"Hey, guys! Look what I found!" Nick mentioned, putting the slip of paper on the desk in front of Matt. Stephon leaned over to see the piece of paper.
"The talent show? Nick, you have stage fright," Matt pointed out.
"Yeah, but this is for the Drama Club. If we can get Shadow and Rouge up on stage, we'll have so much tension I'll play Tension Rising from Kingdom Hearts 2 over my MP3 player for the occasion!" Nick laughed.
"Nick, this is a talent show for BANDS. I doubt we can make a band in such short notice," Matt pointed out.
"Then you'll start your own band and use this slip of paper to enter!" Nick ordered, giving Matt the slip of paper.
"No way, Nick," Matt refused.
"Do it or I'll do another Dr. Octagonapus joke," Nick threatened.
"OKAY FINE!" Matt shouted, as he did NOT want another typical laser joke to be mentioned again. Matt and Stephon put the slip of paper in the magical plot box (which was labeled "Insert Plot Here"), and then the bell rang. Matt and Stephon went out to look for recruits, Nick went to his first period class, Shadow and Amy continued their fight with Rouge and Knuckles while following Nick, and Sonic got run over by a parked car.
After several, unimportant hours had passed (who cares about Shadow getting into a knife fight, Rouge owning the fangirls again, Knuckles doing something smart, or Amy actually being sane? Not me!), the entire gang was at lunch. This included Justin, Nikki, Mike, Stephon, and Alex, although Matt, Sean, and Steven were absent, since they had a different lunch period.
"So, how's the search going?" Nick asked.
"Matt was able to convince Sean and Steven to join in," Stephon revealed.
"And he was able to convince us to help, too!" Alex noted.
"With what?" Nick asked.
"Death threats," Alex said. At the same time, Nikki said, "Jewelery," Mike said, "World Of Warcraft," and Justin said, "Babes." Justin, Nikki, and Mike looked at each other, before looking at Stephon.
"You already signed your contracts in blood," Stephon reminded everyone, holding up a piece of parchment with centuries-old writing in old ink that SOMEHOW had the exact rules for the situation at hand.
"...why did I do that again?" Justin asked out loud. The parchment then disappeared into the useless hole of oblivion from whence it came, although it still held effect for some reason. Shadow then took the opportunity to take a low blow at Rouge again.
"Well, Amy? Do you want to partake in the band?" Shadow asked. Amy just hastily nodded her head.
"Well, I'M joining too!" Rouge retorted.
"Oh, well let's hope the band doesn't fall because of that," Shadow sneered. Rouge continued growling at Shadow, and electricity flowed between their eyes and consequently shocked Sonic.
"Why am I the one getting hurt today...?" Sonic asked. Nick then put away the magic 8-ball, which said, "My previous owner will get injured too many times today."
Skipping the time down to about 5 o'clock (since I am a lazy ass), the camera showed the entire gang (minus Nick and Tails) backstage, getting all geared up. Due to the power of plot and solid grey lines separating time differentials, Sonic and pals had somehow mastered the drums, trumpets, bass, rock, rap, breakdancing, beatboxing, air guitaring, and potatoing (don't ask) in less than 3 hours or so. Sonic and gang all looked past the curtain, which went in a sort of totem-pole style since they all looked around the curtain with their heads atop one another. The act before them just finished their rendition of the song, "Live Life" by Crush 40. Apparently, they had sung it so well, Crush 40 was sueing them for copyright infringement.
"Okay, guys! Our big moment! Our plot for this chapter! It begins!" Sonic overdramatically announced. Shadow just rolled his eyes.
"Hey, how did you get out of the sewer system earlier this morning?" Alex asked.
"How did you know?" Sonic wondered.
"Shadow told me in art class," Alex explained. Sonic just gave Shadow a death glare, who was busy giving Rouge a death glare, who was busy kissing Knuckles, who was busy staring confusedly at Amy, who was staring with a scared stare at Sonic, which went into a large and seemingly infinite circle of glaring and staring. Alex broke the staring contest by reminding everyone that they were up.
"Okay, let's try not to fail!" Alex tried to encourage. That failed. Shadow and the rest took their places on the stage. From the auidence's view (from the auidence's left to right, that is), stood Sonic, Alex, Knuckles, Justin, Rouge, Neil, Shadow, Steven, Amy, Sean, Matt, and Stephon. The drama teacher spoke into a microphone.
"And our final act for the day: the student band here will be singing Seven Rings In Hand..." the teacher announced. Everyone started cheering.
"...by Steve Conte," the drama teacher finished. The crowd went dead silent. The drama teacher ran off the stage, embarrassed herself by saying that. (I don't think it sucks, but a lot of people do, so...LAMPOONING THE SONG!) Before the song could begin, Shadow whispered to Rouge.
"Try to keep up," Shadow jeered.
"Shut up!" Rouge shouted back.
"Why don't you?" Shadow screamed. Shadow and Rouge then got into another spaz fight, screaming in between Neil's ears as they did so. Neil just ducked for cover, and everyone began yelling at them to stop. The auidence watched on, interested. Because violence was more appealing to them than watching their children complete an extra-curricular activity they thought was important to themselves. Pretty soon, the song started, and since everyone forgot the actual lyrics, everyone started to ad-lib while actually playing the song perfectly. (To make this easier upon myself, I shall BRIEFLY change how I typically write this fanfiction. It also might be of help to listen to the actual song first to get the idea for the lyrics, but whatever.)
SEAN: Las Vegas reborn!
STEVEN: Puke's all on the floor!
SONIC: Frustration's out the door!
KNUCKLES: Superman Sixty-Four! (Dear God, this is gonna suck.)
- REPEAT THE FIRST FOUR LINES WHENEVER I SAY CHORUS*
After the geetar solo passes by (which somehow went perfectly despite Rouge and Shadow literally beating each other up), everyone begins singing again.
MATT: No such thing as winning slot machines.
AMY: Everyone tries but they all just seem to fail.
NEIL: So much savings withdrawn before they can grow!
SEAN: Time rewinds to a chicken dancing with some tin!
After the auidence's WTF glare, everyone continued.
STEPHON: Fortune fades like a guy in quicksand!
SEAN: And just like that Obama's building war machines!
SHADOW: I think I just lost my spleen...(Shadow and Rouge are now shooting each other with firearms that the security mistook for mere cell phones.)
STEVEN: Fortune shines with barrels of sand!
SONIC: And without no facts, no one can ever dream!
AMY: I'm eating Shadow's spleen! (0_0)
After the short guitar transition, everyone then continues singing.
MATT: Seven stocks in hand wash up castles made of sand!
NEIL: Seven stocks in hand wonders all under greed's command!
SONIC: Seven stocks in hand I love a desert known here as flan!
SEAN: Seven stocks in hand I AM NOT A FREAKING TALIBAN!
After Sean was hit with a tomato for that slur, everyone resung the CHORUS.
KNUCKLES: No such thing as a Loch Ness Monster who screams!
AMY: Commitment is a burden that makes everyone give in!
SONIC: So many things need a forceful push to begin!
NEIL: That's totally what she said; I just owned you and your kin!
MATT: Be it all the same its sometimes really lame.
NEIL: And just like that everything gets a dream!
AMY: I'm still eating Shadow's spleen!
SONIC: If all's like chiz and I take whiz, then no one hear can hear my popcorn's scream!
SHADOW: This play is like a Weird Al dream...
SEAN: Seven stocks in hand eat my money from a trash can!
SHADOW: Seven stocks in hand Rouge just got a backhand!
ROUGE: Seven stocks in hand Shadow I'm going to kick your can!
ALEX: Seven stocks in hand I was paid to be in this band!
JUSTIN: Darth Vader can't dance!
ALEX: I just lost my pants!
SONIC: You I don't believe!
AMY: Who wants to play a game of Chance?
- CHORUS AGAIN*
After a long geetar solo (and various shots of the auidence going WTF), the lyrics started up again, although Shadow and Rouge were now firing snowballs out of bazookas, and they were somehow catching the stage curtains on fire.
JUSTIN: Seven stocks in hand who the hell named a fruit yams?
NEIL: Seven stocks in hand eat the carpet of an Englishman!
SONIC: Seven stocks in hand wild with just one single hand! (Hey he actually remembered the lyrics.)
SEAN: Seven stocks in hand THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID, you gay old man! (SONIC: ...I'll kill you...)
KNUCKLES: Seven stocks in hand!
Rouge and Shadow then climbed atop some light fixtures while still playing their musical instruments AND shooting flaming snowballs at each other perfectly in sync with the music.
AMY: NiGHTS is not a man!
Rouge and Shadow get into a slap fight above the light fixtures.
SONIC: Seven stocks in hand!
Knuckles gets into a crazy guitar solo as Rouge and Shadow accidentally break some of the tethers to the light fixtures.
ALEX: Seven stocks in hand!
Rouge and Shadow then began firing snowballs again, except this time they went out into the crowd and the auidence ran out of the school, panicked. One unfortunate soul was on fire because of this. That unfortunate soul was Matt.
- REPEAT CHROUS FOR THE LAST TIME*
SONIC: Seven realms of land!
STEVEN: Speed's a bad drug, man!
SEAN: Evil frying pans!
ALEX: Eating Steven's hand!
As the song ended, Steven ran by the screen with a frying pan eating his hand. Then the light fixtures crashed into the stage and everything exploded in a ball ball of toast. After the ensuing bread-filled explosion ended, everyone's hgeads comically popped out of the wreckage, with Rouge and Shadow still fighting. Knuckles then stood up and bowed down to the non-existent crowd.
"Thank you! Thank you!" Knuckles thanked. Now looking into the crowd of two people, all anyone saw was Tails and Nick, both of them having their jaws gaping. Much awkward silence followed.
"...wow, you can actually HEAR Nick's brain try to comprehend this..." Justin noted, as a weird, computer-dial-up tone was heard and a strange blue loading bar was going across Nick's eyes.
In the upper stands, behind a tinted window, Dr. Octagonapus looked down upon the chaos, and he decided against firing his laser. Dr. Octagonapus donned a trench coat and detective's hat, and left the building for a vacation.
"Well...how do we end this chapter?" Alex asked. Shadow and Rouge then began throwing objects at each other out of pure anger, until Knuckles punched Shadow in the face.
"Why did you do that!" Shadow growled.
"Cause YOU SUCK! I watched Sonic X on YouTube the other day, and I beleive you owe Tails an apology for trying to kill Cosmo!" Knuckles yelled. Everyone was astounded by this, even Tails.
"Why should I? I'm the Ultimate Life Form," Shadow bragged.
"In your world. But in this world, the closest thing to that standard is Nick," Justin pointed out, pointing to Nick, who was randomly running around screaming the lyrics for the Zebrahead version of His World.
"So?" Shadow wondered. Rouge just took the evil frying pan off Steven's hand and smacked Shadow with it.
"Jerk," Rouge spat, throwing the frying pan back on Steven's hand.
"DAMMIT THIS HURTS!" Steven screamed, now running around, flailing his arms. Nick just ran into a door while all this was occurring, and as soon as he ran into the door, Nick got a light bulb above his head.
"NICK!" Neil yelled. Nick looked at Neil in confusion, before Neil changed Nick's idea lightbulb to an energy efficient one. Nick still got hit on the head with the lightbulb though.
"GUYS! Tomorrow's Thursday! And by tomorrow it will have been two weeks since then..." Nick cackled.
"Since what?" Sonic asked.
"UNFORGOTTEN REALMS HAS A NEW EPISODE TOMORROW!" Nick beamed in joy. Nick got the expected response of no one caring, so he decided to snap his fingers and cause everyone to be hit by a Bullet Bill.
"Haha. Mario reference," Nick laughed. Nick then walked outside to head home, whenever a strange man in a chef's outfit ran up to him.
"Can I help-?" Nick asked.
"LA-LA-LA-LA-LASAGNA!" the chef screamed, now making a Weird Al song begin playing as Nick ran away, being tormented by Mr. Lasagna Chef Man.
- This chapter was the first to parody a song. In this case, it was a Seven Rings In Hand parody, unofficially called Seven Stocks In Hand by the creators who came up with the song, INFERNOX and Blaster man7 (Nick and Sean respectively).
- Only one line of Seven Stocks In Hand is the same line as Seven Rings In Hand.
- Nick's excalmation of Unforgotten Realms continuing tomorrow is a reference to the series itself, which used to update every Thursday until the creator was dropped from UR's website, TheEscapist.Com.