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ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN

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FOUR WORDS

Hey, all. Skullbuggy here! Some of you may not have been here to see this, but this is ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN. A classic of its time, it has been restored for all to see, for all to marvel in its glory.

This is the story of a man named Dr. REBOTNEK and his assistants, SKRATCH and GRONDER. These three men fought against the republic of Mobius, a land where singing and fun was overabundant. In his anger, REBOTNEK decided to make Mobius less happy by creating the Bean Steamer, a machine made to turn beans into robots. From there, it just gets more powerful. So sit back, relax, and stack some beans.

CHEPTER WONE

REBOTNEK SKRATCH GRONDER COME HERE

SKRATCH YES BOSS

GRONDER DURRH WHAT IS IT

REBOTNEK I HAVE MADE A BEAUTIFUL THING WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT

SKRATCH WHY OF COURSE

REBOTNEK I CALL IT THE BEAN STEAMER

GRONDER DURRH WHAT DOES IT DO

REBOTNEK WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK

GRONDER

REBOTNEK

GRONDER

REBOTNEK

GRONDER

REBOTNEK IT MAKES BEANS INTO ROBOTS

SKRATCH OBVIOUSLY

REBOTNEK WITH THIS I SHALL RID MOBIUS OF HAPPINESS FOREVER

SKRATCH WHAT

REBOTNEK NOW I WILL SEND MY BEST TROOPS TO GUARD THE BEAN PRISONERS SO WE DO NOT HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS

SKRATCH GOOD THINKING DR. REBOTNEK

REBOTNEK BUAHAHAHAHA

CHEPTER TOO

ERMS HELLO THERE GENTLEMEN MY NAME IS ERMS

ERMS

ERMS IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE LARGE ERMS

ERMS

ERMS IT IS A SUBTLE JOKE YOU MAY NOT HAVE UNDERSTOOD

ERMS I AM HERE TO PROTECT THE BEANS FROM BEING RESCUED

ERMS COME TO ERMS MY BEAUTIES

ONE SOUND THRASHING LATER

ERMS OH GOD I CANNOT WALK YOU WIN I GUESS


FRANKLIN HELLO THERE OLD BEAN MY NAME IS FRANKLIN

FRANKLIN DO YOU GET IT

FRANKLIN IT IS BECAUSE I AM LIKE FRANKENSTEIN

FRANKLIN BUT I DIGRESS I MUST STOP YOU OLD CHAP

FRANKLIN HAVE AT YOU

AFTER A LONG WHILE OF STACKING BEANS

FRANKLIN I WAS SO VERY VERY WRONG

HUMPDY WHY HELLO SIR I AM HUMPDY

HUMPDY IT IS LIKE THE EGG STORY

HUMPDY HUMPDY DUMPDY SAT ON A WALL

HUMPDY YOU CATCH MY DRIFT CORRECT

HUMPDY GOOD FOR NOW WE MUST FIGHT IN A BATTLE OF WITS

HUMPDY DUMPDY HAD A GREAT FALL

HUMPDY MY INSIDES ARE GOING WHERE THEY SHOULDN'T

COKONETS HELLO I AM COKONETS

COKONETS DR. REBOTNEK HAS TRUSTED ME WITH GUARDING THESE BEANS

COKONETS YOU WILL NOT LEAVE EURASIA ALIVE

TIME SWIPE

COKONETS OH JESUS CALL AN AMBULANCE

MEANWILE IN REBOTNEK'S LAB

REBOTNEK WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE KILLED COKONETS

REBOTNEK COKONETS WAS MY ONLY FRIEND

SKRATCH WHAT ABOUT ME SIR

REBOTNEK NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU AND YOUR ROOSTER TEETH

SKRATCH You don't have to be such an asshole about it.

REBOTNEK NEVERTHELESS THIS IS NOT OVER

REBOTNEK SEND OUT THE TROOPS

CHEPTER TREE

DAVEYSPROKIT HOWDY PARDNER I AM DAVEY SPROKIT

DAVEYSPROKIT DO YOU SEE MY COONSKIN CAP SIR

DAVEYSPROKIT I AM A ROBOT DAVEY CROCKIT

DAVEYSPROKIT BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT LATER

DAVEYSPROKIT I MUST PIONEER SOME NEW TECHNIQUES


ONE LOUISIANA PURCHASE-SIZED BEATING LATER

DAVEYSPROKIT MY LEFT LUNG SEEMS TO HAVE FOUND NEW FRONTIER

DAVEYSPROKIT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT FIELD

PIGWHEEL HOLY HELL WHAT AM I

PIGWHEEL I HAVE A PIG NOSE AND TWO WHEELS

PIGWHEEL I AM AN ABOMINATION

PIGWHEEL PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY

STACK SOME BEANS

PIGWHEEL WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT

PIGWHEEL ALL YOU DID WAS STACK SOME BEANS

PIGWHEEL WHY AM I STILL ALIVE

DINAMIGHT HELLO SIR MY NAME IS

AND THEN HE EXPLODED BECAUSE HE IS DYNAMITE

GRONDER DURRRH I AM GRONDER

GRONDER YOU WONT GET PAST ME SIR

ONE FREESTYLE RAP BATTLE LATER

GRONDER OH GOD PLEASE NO MORE

GRONDER THE BLOOD IS POOLING AROUND ME AS I SPEAK

BACK AT REBOTNEKS HOWSE

REBOTNEK GRONDER WAS JUST MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD SKRATCH

SKRATCH WHAT A WAY TO GO HUH DR. REBOTNEK

REBOTNEK BUT THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE END

SKRATCH WHAT DO YOU MEAN SIR

REBOTNEK WE HAVE MORE IN STORE

REBOTNEK READY WAVE THREE

REBOTNEK WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS

CHEPTER FOR

PLOCK YO YO YO WHAT UP

PLOCK I FORGOT MY NAME

PLOCK BUT WHATEVER

PLOCK LET'S BATTLE YO

ONE EXTREME MACRAME COMPETITION LATER

PLOCK BOY I GOT SCHOOLED

PLOCK

PLOCK IT HURTS VERY BADLY

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI DOMO ARIGATO

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI MY NAME IS SIR F-FUZZY LOGIK

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI HOLY HELL IS THAT MY REAL NAME

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI GODDAMN

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI WHATEVER I AM A SAMURAI

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI I WILL BEAT YOU

豆の積み重ね

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI I HAVE FAILED

ITHINKTHISONEISASAMURAI I AM COMING, ANCESTORS

DARGONBREATH A AAAAAAA AAA

AAA AA A AAAAA

DARGONBREATH AAA AAAAAA AA AAAAAAAAAA

CUT: REBOTNEK'S LAB, INT., DAY

REBOTNEK WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT POPCORN SKRATCH

SKRATCH BUT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTH

REBOTNEK YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU MUTANT

SKRATCH

REBOTNEK THATS BETTER

REBOTNEK THEY ARE GETTING CLOSER

REBOTNEK WE MUST DEFEND OURSELVES SKRATCH

REBOTNEK WE MUST READY OURSELVES FOR THE FINAL BATTLE

CHEPTER FIFE

SKRATCH SIR I SHALL GO AND STOP THE INTRUDER

REBOTNEK COMMENDABLE SKRATCH

REBOTNEK MAKE DADDY PROUD

SKRATCH THAT'S RIGHT

SKRATCH COME AND GET SOME

"Fine... I will."

SKRATCH WHAT

SKRATCH WAAAAUUGH STOP STABBING ME

SKRATCH GYAAAAARGH

SKRATCH AAAAARGH

SKRATCH GYAAAAAH

SKRATCH AAAH

SKRATCH DIED

"Heh... what a pushover."

REBOTNEK SKRATCH HAVE YOU DISPOSED OF THE INTRU

REBOTNEK

REBOTNEK SKRATCH NO

REBOTNEK WHO DID THIS TO YOU SKRATCH

SNAKE "I did."

REBOTNEK WHO THE HELL ARE YOU

SNAKE "I have no name. Some people call me... Solid Snake."

REBOTNEK I DONT GIVE A CRAP

SNAKE "Whatever the case, I'm here to stop you, Robotnik... or should I say... brother?"

REBOTNEK EXCUSE ME

SNAKE "You don't know, do you?"

REBOTNEK OF COURSE NOT JUST TELL ME

SNAKE "Dr. Robotnik, you and I were part of a project. A project called..."

SNAKE "Las Habas Terribles."

REBOTNEK LAS HABAS TERRIBLES

SNAKE "Las Habas Terribles."

SNAKE "It was a government project to create the perfect super soldier."

SNAKE "The project spawned two children. One had the flawed genes, and one had the perfect genes."

SNAKE "You... you were the perfect one."

REBOTNEK OH REALLY

SNAKE "Yes. You were to be mass-produced in order to create an army of super soldiers..."

SNAKE "... who can consist on nothing but baked beans."

REBOTNEK

SNAKE "I'm here to stop you from becoming mass-produced. I'm here..."

SNAKE "... to save you."

SNAKE "Do you want to be saved, Dr.? Do you?"

REBOTNEK

REBOTNEK YES BROTHER

SNAKE "Alright, then..."

{click}

SNAKE "Any last words, Dr.?"

REBOTNEK

REBOTNEK I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG

SNAKE "Goodnight... Dr. Robotnik."

{BOOM.}


























































you say you want an explanation

I played Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine very recently. Though I did, honestly, really like the game, the story was unbelievably stupid. In a burst of inspiration, I decided to make a story about it in all caps.

Eventually I was plagued with the decision of how to end it. Naturally, I gave it the MGS ending. So that explains a lot, huh?

Start a Discussion Discussions about ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN

  • ROBUTTNIKS MEAN BEAN MACHEAN

    • JCM
      I shared this Sonic-fic with you guys a little over a year ago, and it's amazing how well it has stood the test of time. Post your opinions ab...

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